Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
It has been a while since I’ve written on this beautiful site of freedom to say, not only what I want to say, but what one needs to say. And today I need to say this…I have been going through, for some time now, a battle in the mind. When I was not saved, I went through it too, everyone who is not saved go through this battle and even those who are saved. At the time I thought what I was doing and how I was living compared to others circumstance and others way of living and doing things would ( by many) be deemed “not so bad” but it was bad. I’m sure some people would even call it a “normal” way of life. However, in the eyes of God and his standards of living and what is right to him. It was not good at all, not even close.
I rebelled against God when at the time I never paid attention to think that it was “rebellion” and I was in enmity with GOD. Never crossed my mind as such, never dared to go there. Until I was finding my way on sites I shouldn’t have found my way in, got curious and found myself trapped and snared, then broken, then bruised, then hurt, and then used. No, not physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually I was in a battle of the mind. One part of me said go to God while the other part of me said stay where you are. I didn’t know what to do but I knew that the feeling I was feeling wasn’t the feeling I wanted to feel.
This feeling felt like an empty vessel waiting to be filled with a cold glass of pure water but when the vessel was to be filled with some of that purity. This vessel would be full of cracks and sooner or later the pure water would escape through the cracks and spill under that vessel and drown the very vessel it was trying fill. That is how I felt, empty, wrong, undone. I wanted to be filled and I believed I could be but I kept on looking back (like Lot’s Wife) and turned my heart right back again to the same deserted wilderness where there was only my cries that I heard.
Then I said enough was enough and I was tired of going back and tired of disappointing God and myself. I wanted nothing to hold me down anymore. I wanted nothing to bring me to that place of darkness again. I wasn’t sure of myself but in my heart I wanted more and God was the only one to give me that. Peace, joy, love, understanding, mercy, compassion, and grace! All these things are free from God (not of the world) and there is nothing that we can do but believe that he is the Lord of Heaven and Earth. That God sent his Son, Yeshua Hamashiach, Jesus Christ, to save the world. I decided that I was going to fully give my life over to God because I wanted that. I wanted to know of God, of his love, his mercy, his grace. I choose to open my heart to him and slowly but surely I saw him. I yearned for him.
I didn’t know what to call myself necessarily at the time but “trying to be Christian.” My friend had to sit me down and tell me that it’s not “trying to be a Christian” but IS being a Christian. If I believe in God and His Son, Jesus Christ and what he did for all of mankind because he loved us and that I was forgiven and cleansed by his blood. I want to live by his standards and his commandments and not by the world’s. Then I am what to be called to be a born-again-believer. Then I received that, not just believing in it but receiving what Jesus Christ had already done nearly 2000 years ago on the cross. However, time went by and I became to read the bible more and feel more of the Lord but as I was doing more good because God’s good. I began to go through spiritual warfare.
Good thoughts would flood then bad thoughts would flood over the good ones. It was like every good thought that I thought up, 10 bad ones had to come right behind it. Then I would dream dreams, hear lies and temptations would flood into mind and desires of the flesh. I would fight against it, in my OWN WAY (You see where I’m going with this? There is only God’s way) but then I would forget God’s word and “they” would come at me with such a force that I wouldn’t be able to take it. I would be so frightened for myself that I would think that maybe I deserved this and this was my punishment and this is what I needed to go through in order to redeem myself. Wrong.
I would continue to think like this on and off for some time. Thoughts would come and go, I would win some battles and sometimes I felt some battles I would lose. I didn’t know at the time that God was right there with me all the way because sometimes I would feel God near and other times I’d feel God was very far away. But God was never too far away but always, always close by my side. I did notice though that when I became in knowledge of the word of God that I could use that word of God as a shield of the mind. I would look up on the internet how to fight against the evil one and every time it would say with God’s word.
I figured it out not too long ago that I don’t know the bible as well as I should have known the bible. I knew what it meant and I remembered a few scriptures here and there but what I noticed was that when these thoughts came. I would rebuke them in the name of Jesus but I would never remind myself with God’s word or pick up the bible to protect my heart of these lies. Lies that said that God didn’t love me and lies that said that I was being punished and lies that pretty much condemned me. What I did was I kept on focusing on what was said and how it may be true and how I deserved it, instead of focusing on what really was and is and had already been done. The battle is won! I was fighting against evil with my OWN STRENGTH and not God’s. He is the one to fight my battles, not myself because I am weak but God, he is strong.
God did all that he did brothers and sisters. Jesus did all that he did on the cross for us to have salvation and grace that we don’t deserve but because of his love for us, we can easily choose eternal life. Pick up YOUR cross and follow him. Anyone can wear a cross but it’s one thing to wear a cross and it’s another thing to bare it. Jesus had tribulation in this world too, much of what we don’t know but he overcame the world and now it is time for us to stand in bold in Christ and receive what he has freely given us. FREEDOM.
God is NOT the God of condemnation. That is what the devil wants us to believe that God is against us and he’s NOT. He wants us to be free and out of bondage. The evil one wanted me to think that God didn’t like me and I thought it, for the longest time, that God was against me. Even though I never said it out loud but the thoughts that I thought that was against GOD and his word and his promises was most likely building that lie into me and being sowed in my heart. Rebuke it in the name of Jesus.
God loves you brothers and sisters. God is the God of grace and of love and of mercy! If you have thoughts that condemn you, in any way, they are NOT of God. The bible says so…
Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”
Romans 8:31 “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” God is good.
1 Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.”
Psalm 100:5 “For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.”
Evil thoughts come to you in your mind, yet your heart cries out to God. Remember God is your protector, your shield, your buckler, and your ROCK. He is all that is good, so if it is bad thoughts that come to you in your mind, then it is of the evil one. It is the weakness of our flesh. Repent, SUBMIT to God, resist the devil and he shall flee. Know that in 1 John 4:4 “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” JESUS does not live in walls or in buildings but in YOU and every believer that believes in him and lives for him. You are more than conquers ! You are children of the most high God. You are redeemed!
Also, for anyone who reads this, there was an 8.3 earthquake in Chili, please pray for the Chileans of Chili. Also pray for your own country, that the people of that land come to God and repent of their sins, for the kingdom of God draweths nigh.
God bless you.